Transgendered

 

trans·gen·der

transˈjendər,tranzˈjendər/

adjective

adjective: transgendered

1. denoting or relating to a person whose self-identity does not conform unambiguously to conventional notions of male or female gender.

    

Transgender people are people who have a gender identity, or gender expression, that differs from their assigned sex.^[



This entry deals with the category of people that I have been clinically assigned to by various methods. Among them being sessions with a gender counselor as well as numerous online tests and evaluations. In addition to this there have been many comments online from various people that have come to the same conclusion. Plus, I know how I feel inside the other things just confirmed what I already knew.

For the masses, they do not see or understand the difference between being a cross dresser (transvestite) and transgendered. These terms seem to be interchanged regularly but there is a distinct difference. Cross dressers or transvestites are not necessarily transgendered, sound confusing?, well perhaps I can clear this up for you.

In my experience most cross dressers are not transgendered but all the male to female transgendered people I know or have met were or are cross dressers. I have found that cross dressers are often men who are married or have girl friends but occasionally enjoy dressing up as a woman. This is usually a sexual or fetish related situation that once the cross dressing is over and they have satisfied themselves that they go back to their normal male life.

For years this is what I thought I was and nothing more than that. A situation that seems to occur more often than you may suspect. I lived most of my life as a cross dresser not realizing that I was indeed transgendered. Over time I accepted and had no problem with my cross dressing as it was just an occasional thing that did not interfere with my normal life. It wasn't until many years later that I suspected something else may be going on.

What you are about to read happened slowly over decades so it was a journey rather than an epiphany. It was such a slow and natural thing that it mostly went by unnoticed. However, over these years I found I was dressing more often than in the past. Adding additional types of makeup and women's attire until I looked as feminine as possible based in the knowledge I had at the time.

In addition to the above I also started wearing wigs, breast forms, jewelry and everything feminine. This went ever further when I started shaving my body, doing my eyebrows and letting my nails grow longer. Although I did realize this was happening I never thought about stopping it or that it was wrong. To tell you the truth I didn't really think about it, just went with the flow if you will.

While this was going on, feminine thoughts eventually seemed to have taken over most of my personal thoughts. When I had free time to daydream, It seemed it was always about feminine related topics. Once again, there was no problem, and I didn't over think the issue was still naïve to the point which I had reached was more than about just cross dressing. It was approximately fifteen years ago that I started to think that all of this, essentially my life, wasn't just cross dressing.

There seemed to be to many feminine things about myself and my life that there must be a technical name for this since I new I couldn't be the only one who felt this way. This is when I started to seek answers to these questions I had about myself. The logical place was the internet with it's vast library of knowledge. I googled different terminology for words such as cross dresser, transvestite, transsexual and transgendered.

What I found kind of shocked me when I seemed to fit the bill for being transgendered. I knew that it was more than just cross dressing but was I truly transgendered? Being a person who needs answers to certain questions in order to function properly, I had to look further. My next step was taking various online gender tests and surveys. I found that I consistently scored in the range of probably being trans.

I also am an active member of online social chat rooms and have many interactions via chat and my web cam. I get many comments on my feminine appearance and mannerisms. Keep in mind that all of this felt normal for me and never wanted or tried to change the course of things. If I was indeed trans it would answer a lot of questions about myself and my life. The next step was to see a gender councilor and get an educated, clinical opinion.

I met with her twice, the first time as an introductory session with many questions and both written and oral surveys. After I had completed those we spoke about various things for about an hour or so. She indicated she would like to see me again to give me her opinion and talk further. She also said that if I felt comfortable with it to visit as Donna. Since this was nothing new for me, I agreed.

Of course I dressed age appropriately and conservatively as to not draw attention to myself. I had found when I do this I can largely go out in public without drawing attention, which is a good thing. This was another thing that developed over the years, my ability to be in public and blending in most, but not all of the time. Even so, I was a little nervous in anticipation of her diagnosis.

I felt good when she complimented me on my appearance and could tell that this was not new to me. My mind was racing, was I a cross dresser or was I transgendered? She could tell that I was anxious so she dispensed with the small talk. What I heard although not a shock, still surprised me. In her opinion she said that I was indeed, transgendered. A feeling of euphoria rushed over me that was also a surprise emotion.

She then went into detail about how she came to her conclusion. It was very interesting and many questions that I had for years were answered. My life now seemed to fall into place and I was perfectly accepting and happy about her conclusion. We talked for an additional two hours and she was very helpful with any questions I had in addition to some good advice about various things.

I was told there was no reason to continue these sessions because I was a stable person who has dealt with some tough issues in an admirable way. Of course her door was always open to me and she said I could email her anytime with questions or comments. This took place eleven years ago in 2005 to put it in context.

Today I  totally accept and embrace the person I am. I wouldn't change things even if I had the ability to do so. I have been at peace with myself and feel a sense of comfort that I didn't know existed previously. Considering everything I am quite proud of myself that I've kept it all together where many others have not.

So if you see me online, please treat me with respect because I am entitled to that at a minimum. Talk to me as if you would any woman with morals and values. I think you will find that I am more than just another pretty face and an interesting person. Many will not agree with my lifestyle but the fact remains that I lead a happy, productive life that positively affects the ones who are close to me.

If you were to pin me down as to a single thought, action or incident when I knew something other then cross dressing was going on I would have to say I remember having the profound thought that I didn't want to be with a woman but I wanted to be like them. To the uninformed perhaps they cannot understand how and why I would be this way. To them all I can say is for the same reasons that make them the person that they are.

None of us live this way because it's "cool" or "in" which surprisingly, being transgendered is the darling of the media and the do-gooders that proliferate our society today. I was this way long before it was one of their causes and am quite surprised that we have become their latest focal point. On the other hand all of this draws more attention to us than some of us may want.

I am much more about blending in to society as just another woman than I am making a statement for the cause by saying hey look at me, I'm a trans girl and theirs nothing you can do about it. Since I am a selfish person and care more about living my life as I wish rather than being an activist for the cause. There are plenty of others out there today to do all of that for me anyway.

Being trans is not an act or a fetish but a way of life which cannot be faked. I have thought about hormones and transitioning but at my age this is not practical although desirable. I have settled for a series of supplements and have had some good results with them. When I retire in a year and a half I plan on living 24-7 as Donna and am looking forward to it as each day passes.

If you still don't understand let me just say that I think I am a woman inside in spite of being born a male. I should have been born a female but be that as it may be I still am comfortable with my life as it is. Some say that we're just not wired right and perhaps they're right but I am still a productive member of society that is at peace with herself and her life. I bring something positive to the lives of the people I am close to enhancing their life as well as my own.

Hopefully this helped you understand what's going on under the surface with not only myself but probably many others like me. Please note that this is not a sexual preference issue but a gender identity issue, there is a difference. Many people do not know about or see this key distinction which is important if you are to understand what you just read. So the next time you run into a transgendered person remember that there is much more going on than what you see.