I guess I have been online now for fifteen years now and was somewhat behind in getting connected. For the first time there were social chat rooms for trans type people on the two big players at the time, remember this was dial up but they were Aol & Yahoo. All of my experiences took place in the Aol rooms, of which there were three official ones. These were social chat rooms, not forums or support groups. Although these did exist, that's not what we're talking about here.
These three rooms were unlike any before that I was aware of, so a completely new experience for myself and many others. By today's standards they were obsolete at best. Holding a maximum of 36 people at a time and no web cam support, they still were the best thing around. Also, there were no moderators so the rhetoric could often get out of control. You could block the person from contacting you but they would still be free to attack you in the main room although you could not see anything they said once blocked.
For extreme situations you could notify aol and show them the offensive material via copy and paste. If warranted they would take various appropriate steps including banning you from the rooms. I have had one aol screen name locked because of questionable behavior. Although the rooms were small the action was quite varied and interesting, with more people that were local to me than one might think. Just as it is today if you had a complete profile and some pics it went a long way as far as the number of people you could meet.
This was even more important back then since it took place before web cam support. The more pics the better, but even a few helped. Just as today you could chat in the main or as they called it in those days, instant message someone. This feature is exactly the same as today minus the cam support . As I said previously, the rooms were rocking considering the limited number of people allowed in at a time.
There's some background for you, now let's talk about some of my actual experiences in the Aol rooms. With the small room size it was much easier to get to know most people that were regulars but of course there were always people passing through that you didn't know. I had no problems chatting in the main room which helped people recognize me. In the main room I have heard comments which run the gamut from you're beautiful to you're ugly.
Just as today there were always people with a chip on their shoulder that were more than happy to pick a fight with you. Contrary to what you may think, most of these people were cross dressers. One incident in particular comes to mind, where I had made the statement " I hate male clothes". Innocent enough, not harming anyone or any group, etc., a completely benign statement don't you think?
Well perhaps not, after all these years I still remember this cross dressers name, it was Sue with some long forgotten numbers after her name. In the main room she said that, and I quote, "I see Donna is an equal opportunity hater". Of course I questioned her on this and that is where I made my mistake. I can hold my own verbally with most people and that wasn't the problem. The issue was that while I was looking for non confrontational fun she was looking to argue with someone.
She attempted to turn the room against me stating that since I hate male clothes I hate many other things. She seemed to be off of her medication as I pointed out to everyone.
While her stance was designed to hurt someone, no doubt to inflate her sagging ego, my replies were sarcastic and well, witty. Of course there were some zombie followers who smelled blood in the water and jumped on her bandwagon.
At this point there was no way I was going to cut and run. Eventually the situation ran it's course or perhaps Sue's meds finally kicked in. Be that as it may I held my ground against the room bully and came out unscathed. The really interesting stories however, come from as they called them back then, instant messages. Some of this gets disgusting so if you have a weak stomach perhaps you should stop here.
As I always say, instant messages are fast and easy but I've found they attract the sleazy. And let me tell you, these stories will prove it. I'll start off with the fetish of bodily functions, although I get ones like foot, legs, boobs, etc., I cannot even begin to understand what's going wrong inside these peoples heads. Although I'd never thought I'd say this, I am glad this was before web cams, because they're wonderful.
So here I am, sitting in front of my computer, as Donna of course, engaging in some conversation in the main room. I get a message from a "Yellow69", and he wants to converse with me. After he dispenses about how hot my pics look and such he gets to the heart of the matter. He wants to pleasure himself while drinking his own urine. My part you ask, well he wanted to instruct me fairly specifically as to what to say with me filling in with some literary embellishments if you will.
Although I am not into this, condone it or claim to understand it, I was curious. Yes, I could have simply blocked him but I had to see if stories like this were real or just urban legends. Now, I am no fool and without a web cam I could not verify what he said he was doing was true or not, after all - it's the internet. I expressed my concerns about him being full of shit and he was quick with the best solution available at that time. He suggested he send me pics of him treating his body like an amusement park while drinking his urine.
He had obviously done this before because in the background of his pics was a wall clock that showed the time and date. This guy was a real multi-tasker, he was taking pics, flogging himself, typing and pissing in a cup and yes - drinking it. I was laughing my ass off because I was getting these pics fast, not quite real time of course but perhaps one a minute. This was the most disgusting thing I had ever been a part of up to that point, but this would be topped a few months later.
The scenario was similar but even more disgusting as you will see. This story is about the strange and disgusting fetish of Coprophagia, go ahead I'll give you a moment while you look it up. Now that you know what it is I can tell you it is similar to the first story except substitute the liquid with the solid. Yes, let's get it out there, this guy liked eating poo! Once again this guy had a specific routine he wanted me to follow and although I found this utterly disgusting, I just had to know.
The pictures these two disturbed individuals provided are gone forever since the computer they were on hard drive crashed and burned, perhaps it's for the best. My final one from the Aol days is something completely different as you will see. This one has to do with the strange condition known as Zoophilia, perhaps you can figure this one out yourself. If you can't it means having sex with animals.
In this case it was dogs and to be more specific, German Shepherds. Once again pics were provided which showed a guy, supposedly him, having sex with a shepherd. This one was more difficult to verify since the pics he sent were not semi real time as the others were. This one was a little different in that he wanted to role play me catching him having sex with the family dog.
Of course I went along because I guess I enjoy the entertainment value these perverts provide me with. I am interested in the darker side of humanity and these freaks were prime examples of that. These are the best of the worst although there were others. I must admit that I have never since these incidents run into people like this and hope I never do since my curiosity was more than satisfied.
In wrapping up the Aol days there were four people I met online in Aol that I actually ended up meeting in person. Three of the four went very well and the one that didn't is a subject of its own. Now I'm going to fast forward to today and the newer chat rooms with web cam support and much larger capacity to handle hundreds of people at a time. The addition of the cams along with the humungous room sizes makes for a new and different type of experience.
First let me say that up to this point I have not encountered anything like I did on Aol, I suspect that these weirdoes have found their own dark corner of the internet. There is a distinct difference in the number of messages I get if I have my web cam turned on. This does present somewhat of a problem occasionally dealing with it all at once. But I guess I do like the attention and I have met some nice people.
I know you may have heard this before but it's not always easy being transgendered, even in chat rooms specifically catering to such. There are not as many individual incidents that stand out but there are many more sometimes rude and or vulgar attempts to date me or have cam sex with me. Now I'm no angel but I do have values and morals and am not another chat room slut.
Most of the time I just enjoy interesting conversation about almost anything other than sex in any form. I have found that most of the "girls" in the room are not that way. I am not judging them but just making an observation as I see it. Also part of it may be that I have changed as far as what I want out of these experiences. After some thought I realized that my reputation in these rooms mattered to me much more than it did on Aol.
There are some things that are new with the cam addition. One of them being the private message that starts out, can you see my cam? Often but not always, these are men in their twenties and can be quite aggressive at times. After a few misguided views of their cams it turned out to be be more often than not, their manhood in all it's glory.
It didn't take to many of them before I picked up on this pattern and I found that my refusing to look at their cam pissed them off. They would try almost anything to get me to look but I enjoyed the not looking game to much. As a result of this and similar things I now refuse to look at anyone's private cam unless I already know them and insist if they want me to look to put their cam on in the main room.
Just like on Aol I still encounter the occasional cross dresser, transsexual, etc. that verbally assault me for no apparent reason. Although this is never pleasant I am used to it by now and it is just the nature of the beast. The positive conversations outweigh the negative ones just in case you were thinking why do I bother at all. Sometimes I hear from beginning cross dressers that want me to mentor them online. Although it is flattering, I really don't have either the time or inclination to do so.
There is one incident however that stands out and I will never forget it. It was on a Friday night and I was on one of these web sites with my camera on. I was contacted via private message from a person who's profile said they were a transsexual but he insisted he was a male. I said no thank you to chatting with him and that didn't sit well with him at all. At that point he started to verbally assault me and his rhetoric was not only disgusting but it was obvious that if given the opportunity, would hurt me physically.
Now I was considering blocking him because although I didn't reply to any of his comments he was persisting even after I would close the conversation manually. He would just message me again and pick up where he left off. Right before I blocked him I thought I would look to see if he had a camera. To my surprise, he did so I clicked on it. Keep in mind that this was the room cam, not a private one.
What I saw was unlike anyone else's cam I have ever seen. The view was of the rooms main chat screen in real time. After about 30 seconds the view changed to another room's main chat screen for 30 seconds. This continued until it showed most of the chat rooms on this particular web site. Various other transsexual images would appear for 30 seconds and move on to the next image, so I think you get the general idea here.
He was still messaging me but I wasn't paying much attention to that since I was almost mesmerized by his highly unusual cam. The part is coming up that not only shocked me, but combined with his rhetoric actually scared me some. I was watching his cam when the view changed to a close up screen of his private message to me. I must admit that this did bother me some, until the view changed to the next one after 30 seconds.
I saw a close up view of a woman on his camera and I thought to myself, oh she's cute. Now this is all happening in seconds so I suddenly realized that it was me! I checked the name in the corner of the cam to confirm what I couldn't possibly be seeing. This was totally unexpected and I admit, caught me off guard. It also scared me because it was so sudden and unexpected.
It was like seeing yourself on live tv, which I had never done before. Although in a dark way it was flattering, I still had a sense of my personal space being violated. This pervert had made me part of his trannsexual kaleidoscope without my permission and I didn't like it. Before I could dwell on it the view changed again to something else, to what I don't recall but at least it had nothing to do with me.
At that point I didn't close his cam and didn't block him because I wanted to see if this would repeat itself on this night and other nights before I decided on a course of action. Eventually my image appeared again that night so I knew that this is the way it was going to be, at least on that night. Thankfully he stopped with the abusive language and went away although his cam remained on for another hour.
I thought perhaps that I was overreacting because after all it's just the internet. That may be so but how many murders, rapes, etc., can trace their origins back to Craig's List? Then I received a few private messages from people that I didn't even know asking me if I saw his camera, when I said yes they also said that this was a troubling incident and that I should report it to the moderators.
As a result of this I came up with this term to describe what happened to me, I call it "internet video stalking" and everyone I talked to about it said it fit situation to a tee. This was not as gross as the Aol stories but it was much more disturbing to me because I kind of knew what to expect when dealing with the poo & pee guys but this was so sudden and unexpected. I think the military term for it is "shock & awe".
I have seen him in the room with his cam on since then but as of yet I have not been included in his side show. Hopefully this was an isolated incident and will not repeat itself. Once I thought about it I was more rational about the incident but none the less it is something that I will never forget. The only positive thing about this was that I looked pretty good on tv for an old lady.
I have also found that most people have their own pre-conceived notions about me. They think they know what I'm about and approach me in ways that are, well - less than smooth let's say. I've found that it's best to be honest with them as soon as they become inappropriate to nip it in the bud. Some get it and show a little respect but most of them will press their agenda for a while and give up.
I'd like to wrap this up on a positive note by saying that I have met some nice people, both in person and on the net that I originally met in chat rooms. The internet and these rooms opens things up tremendously for trans girls like me. A certain amount of friction is to be expected in chat rooms but if nothing else, they have provided me with many experiences that are memorable for one reason or another.
These three rooms were unlike any before that I was aware of, so a completely new experience for myself and many others. By today's standards they were obsolete at best. Holding a maximum of 36 people at a time and no web cam support, they still were the best thing around. Also, there were no moderators so the rhetoric could often get out of control. You could block the person from contacting you but they would still be free to attack you in the main room although you could not see anything they said once blocked.
For extreme situations you could notify aol and show them the offensive material via copy and paste. If warranted they would take various appropriate steps including banning you from the rooms. I have had one aol screen name locked because of questionable behavior. Although the rooms were small the action was quite varied and interesting, with more people that were local to me than one might think. Just as it is today if you had a complete profile and some pics it went a long way as far as the number of people you could meet.
This was even more important back then since it took place before web cam support. The more pics the better, but even a few helped. Just as today you could chat in the main or as they called it in those days, instant message someone. This feature is exactly the same as today minus the cam support . As I said previously, the rooms were rocking considering the limited number of people allowed in at a time.
There's some background for you, now let's talk about some of my actual experiences in the Aol rooms. With the small room size it was much easier to get to know most people that were regulars but of course there were always people passing through that you didn't know. I had no problems chatting in the main room which helped people recognize me. In the main room I have heard comments which run the gamut from you're beautiful to you're ugly.
Just as today there were always people with a chip on their shoulder that were more than happy to pick a fight with you. Contrary to what you may think, most of these people were cross dressers. One incident in particular comes to mind, where I had made the statement " I hate male clothes". Innocent enough, not harming anyone or any group, etc., a completely benign statement don't you think?
Well perhaps not, after all these years I still remember this cross dressers name, it was Sue with some long forgotten numbers after her name. In the main room she said that, and I quote, "I see Donna is an equal opportunity hater". Of course I questioned her on this and that is where I made my mistake. I can hold my own verbally with most people and that wasn't the problem. The issue was that while I was looking for non confrontational fun she was looking to argue with someone.
She attempted to turn the room against me stating that since I hate male clothes I hate many other things. She seemed to be off of her medication as I pointed out to everyone.
While her stance was designed to hurt someone, no doubt to inflate her sagging ego, my replies were sarcastic and well, witty. Of course there were some zombie followers who smelled blood in the water and jumped on her bandwagon.
At this point there was no way I was going to cut and run. Eventually the situation ran it's course or perhaps Sue's meds finally kicked in. Be that as it may I held my ground against the room bully and came out unscathed. The really interesting stories however, come from as they called them back then, instant messages. Some of this gets disgusting so if you have a weak stomach perhaps you should stop here.
As I always say, instant messages are fast and easy but I've found they attract the sleazy. And let me tell you, these stories will prove it. I'll start off with the fetish of bodily functions, although I get ones like foot, legs, boobs, etc., I cannot even begin to understand what's going wrong inside these peoples heads. Although I'd never thought I'd say this, I am glad this was before web cams, because they're wonderful.
So here I am, sitting in front of my computer, as Donna of course, engaging in some conversation in the main room. I get a message from a "Yellow69", and he wants to converse with me. After he dispenses about how hot my pics look and such he gets to the heart of the matter. He wants to pleasure himself while drinking his own urine. My part you ask, well he wanted to instruct me fairly specifically as to what to say with me filling in with some literary embellishments if you will.
Although I am not into this, condone it or claim to understand it, I was curious. Yes, I could have simply blocked him but I had to see if stories like this were real or just urban legends. Now, I am no fool and without a web cam I could not verify what he said he was doing was true or not, after all - it's the internet. I expressed my concerns about him being full of shit and he was quick with the best solution available at that time. He suggested he send me pics of him treating his body like an amusement park while drinking his urine.
He had obviously done this before because in the background of his pics was a wall clock that showed the time and date. This guy was a real multi-tasker, he was taking pics, flogging himself, typing and pissing in a cup and yes - drinking it. I was laughing my ass off because I was getting these pics fast, not quite real time of course but perhaps one a minute. This was the most disgusting thing I had ever been a part of up to that point, but this would be topped a few months later.
The scenario was similar but even more disgusting as you will see. This story is about the strange and disgusting fetish of Coprophagia, go ahead I'll give you a moment while you look it up. Now that you know what it is I can tell you it is similar to the first story except substitute the liquid with the solid. Yes, let's get it out there, this guy liked eating poo! Once again this guy had a specific routine he wanted me to follow and although I found this utterly disgusting, I just had to know.
The pictures these two disturbed individuals provided are gone forever since the computer they were on hard drive crashed and burned, perhaps it's for the best. My final one from the Aol days is something completely different as you will see. This one has to do with the strange condition known as Zoophilia, perhaps you can figure this one out yourself. If you can't it means having sex with animals.
In this case it was dogs and to be more specific, German Shepherds. Once again pics were provided which showed a guy, supposedly him, having sex with a shepherd. This one was more difficult to verify since the pics he sent were not semi real time as the others were. This one was a little different in that he wanted to role play me catching him having sex with the family dog.
Of course I went along because I guess I enjoy the entertainment value these perverts provide me with. I am interested in the darker side of humanity and these freaks were prime examples of that. These are the best of the worst although there were others. I must admit that I have never since these incidents run into people like this and hope I never do since my curiosity was more than satisfied.
In wrapping up the Aol days there were four people I met online in Aol that I actually ended up meeting in person. Three of the four went very well and the one that didn't is a subject of its own. Now I'm going to fast forward to today and the newer chat rooms with web cam support and much larger capacity to handle hundreds of people at a time. The addition of the cams along with the humungous room sizes makes for a new and different type of experience.
First let me say that up to this point I have not encountered anything like I did on Aol, I suspect that these weirdoes have found their own dark corner of the internet. There is a distinct difference in the number of messages I get if I have my web cam turned on. This does present somewhat of a problem occasionally dealing with it all at once. But I guess I do like the attention and I have met some nice people.
I know you may have heard this before but it's not always easy being transgendered, even in chat rooms specifically catering to such. There are not as many individual incidents that stand out but there are many more sometimes rude and or vulgar attempts to date me or have cam sex with me. Now I'm no angel but I do have values and morals and am not another chat room slut.
Most of the time I just enjoy interesting conversation about almost anything other than sex in any form. I have found that most of the "girls" in the room are not that way. I am not judging them but just making an observation as I see it. Also part of it may be that I have changed as far as what I want out of these experiences. After some thought I realized that my reputation in these rooms mattered to me much more than it did on Aol.
There are some things that are new with the cam addition. One of them being the private message that starts out, can you see my cam? Often but not always, these are men in their twenties and can be quite aggressive at times. After a few misguided views of their cams it turned out to be be more often than not, their manhood in all it's glory.
It didn't take to many of them before I picked up on this pattern and I found that my refusing to look at their cam pissed them off. They would try almost anything to get me to look but I enjoyed the not looking game to much. As a result of this and similar things I now refuse to look at anyone's private cam unless I already know them and insist if they want me to look to put their cam on in the main room.
Just like on Aol I still encounter the occasional cross dresser, transsexual, etc. that verbally assault me for no apparent reason. Although this is never pleasant I am used to it by now and it is just the nature of the beast. The positive conversations outweigh the negative ones just in case you were thinking why do I bother at all. Sometimes I hear from beginning cross dressers that want me to mentor them online. Although it is flattering, I really don't have either the time or inclination to do so.
There is one incident however that stands out and I will never forget it. It was on a Friday night and I was on one of these web sites with my camera on. I was contacted via private message from a person who's profile said they were a transsexual but he insisted he was a male. I said no thank you to chatting with him and that didn't sit well with him at all. At that point he started to verbally assault me and his rhetoric was not only disgusting but it was obvious that if given the opportunity, would hurt me physically.
Now I was considering blocking him because although I didn't reply to any of his comments he was persisting even after I would close the conversation manually. He would just message me again and pick up where he left off. Right before I blocked him I thought I would look to see if he had a camera. To my surprise, he did so I clicked on it. Keep in mind that this was the room cam, not a private one.
What I saw was unlike anyone else's cam I have ever seen. The view was of the rooms main chat screen in real time. After about 30 seconds the view changed to another room's main chat screen for 30 seconds. This continued until it showed most of the chat rooms on this particular web site. Various other transsexual images would appear for 30 seconds and move on to the next image, so I think you get the general idea here.
He was still messaging me but I wasn't paying much attention to that since I was almost mesmerized by his highly unusual cam. The part is coming up that not only shocked me, but combined with his rhetoric actually scared me some. I was watching his cam when the view changed to a close up screen of his private message to me. I must admit that this did bother me some, until the view changed to the next one after 30 seconds.
I saw a close up view of a woman on his camera and I thought to myself, oh she's cute. Now this is all happening in seconds so I suddenly realized that it was me! I checked the name in the corner of the cam to confirm what I couldn't possibly be seeing. This was totally unexpected and I admit, caught me off guard. It also scared me because it was so sudden and unexpected.
It was like seeing yourself on live tv, which I had never done before. Although in a dark way it was flattering, I still had a sense of my personal space being violated. This pervert had made me part of his trannsexual kaleidoscope without my permission and I didn't like it. Before I could dwell on it the view changed again to something else, to what I don't recall but at least it had nothing to do with me.
At that point I didn't close his cam and didn't block him because I wanted to see if this would repeat itself on this night and other nights before I decided on a course of action. Eventually my image appeared again that night so I knew that this is the way it was going to be, at least on that night. Thankfully he stopped with the abusive language and went away although his cam remained on for another hour.
I thought perhaps that I was overreacting because after all it's just the internet. That may be so but how many murders, rapes, etc., can trace their origins back to Craig's List? Then I received a few private messages from people that I didn't even know asking me if I saw his camera, when I said yes they also said that this was a troubling incident and that I should report it to the moderators.
As a result of this I came up with this term to describe what happened to me, I call it "internet video stalking" and everyone I talked to about it said it fit situation to a tee. This was not as gross as the Aol stories but it was much more disturbing to me because I kind of knew what to expect when dealing with the poo & pee guys but this was so sudden and unexpected. I think the military term for it is "shock & awe".
I have seen him in the room with his cam on since then but as of yet I have not been included in his side show. Hopefully this was an isolated incident and will not repeat itself. Once I thought about it I was more rational about the incident but none the less it is something that I will never forget. The only positive thing about this was that I looked pretty good on tv for an old lady.
I have also found that most people have their own pre-conceived notions about me. They think they know what I'm about and approach me in ways that are, well - less than smooth let's say. I've found that it's best to be honest with them as soon as they become inappropriate to nip it in the bud. Some get it and show a little respect but most of them will press their agenda for a while and give up.
I'd like to wrap this up on a positive note by saying that I have met some nice people, both in person and on the net that I originally met in chat rooms. The internet and these rooms opens things up tremendously for trans girls like me. A certain amount of friction is to be expected in chat rooms but if nothing else, they have provided me with many experiences that are memorable for one reason or another.
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